Valerie Bertinelli says she missed narcissistic red flags in relationships: 'Made me question my self-worth'

Making it clear she’s in no rush to get back onto the dating scene, Valerie Bertinelli explained this week that she now actively looks for narcissism "red flags" when meeting men.

In her "Getting Naked" podcast on Wednesday titled "Know Your Narcissist," Bertinelli revealed that she didn’t even realize she was dealing with narcissism in her own romantic relationships until several years ago after first recognizing it in the fraught political climate.

"I don’t want to throw anybody that’s been in my life under a bus, I just want to talk about experiences that have been challenging and made me question my self-worth," the "One Day at a Time" star told her guest Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a psychologist and author.

"When we know who we are, Valerie, when someone is coming at us like the way that narcissistic people do, we can be a lot more steadfast," the doctor advised. "The only way a narcissistic relationship works is if we abandon ourselves."

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Bertinelli agreed with her assessment, admitting that in the narcissistic relationships she’d been involved in, "I totally abandoned myself to a point where my family was like ‘Where are you? We need you? Come back to us.’"

She said while she was in the relationships, she didn’t feel that way.

"You feel truly like you’re just going to make this person happy," the 66-year-old explained. "You know you can do it. ‘I know I can make them happy. I know if I work hard enough, I can make them happy. I know that I don’t want to be selfish. I don’t want to hurt them, so if they’re telling me that I’m doing these things. I can make myself better.’"

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When Durvasula noted that it’s human to want "intimate relationships," Bertinelli joked: "Well, I did. I'm not so much want[ing] that right now."

Durvasula revealed that "a lot of the core of narcissism is this insecurity, this fragility."

Bertinelli interjected to say that the narcissists she’s known, though, "seem like they're not insecure. They're so like — it's magnetizing to see someone that sure of themselves," and Durvasula explained that narcissists "are good at what we call expressed self-confidence," essentially being know-it-alls.

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The doctor further explained that the traits of a narcissist encompass low empathy, arrogance, entitlement, grandiosity and pathological selfishness.

"They can only center [around] themselves," she added. "They're status seeking. So, they want whatever is going to make them look powerful to the world. They are not able to tolerate things like frustration, disappointment, stress, or anything that doesn't sort of prop up that grandiose sort of fantasy of them. They're driven very much by power, domination, control. They need to be the ones on top."

And those traits, she explained, show up as "manipulation, invalidation, dismissiveness, gaslighting, rage, silent treatment, competitiveness, making us small so they can feel big, betrayal, promising things that they never follow through on."

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Prefacing her analysis of her own past relationships with "I can only speak about my own experience and being very careful not to," Bertinelli said: "I would never ever think that that person had any of those traits, but the way that they showed up was, oh boy, all of the things you said."

She added that she wanted her podcast to help people from "falling into that trap."

"I have a little joke that it's just like, ‘OK, somebody's got to tell me every single different kind of narcissist there is out there because I need to know what to not fall into.’" she said. "Again, I even talked to my therapist. I said, 'Please tell me what red flags are exactly so I can keep an eye out for them.'"

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She noted that in a past relationship someone she didn’t name had repeatedly told her she was a narcissist and that she was hurting them.

"And I was like, ‘Well, I don't want to be hurting people. I don't want to be selfish. I don't want to do all these things. Please, God, tell me.’ And I'm like, at a certain point, I said: ‘I don't understand why you're with me. Like I can't do anything right,’" she said.

But the doctor explained to her that person was manipulating her.

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"‘You will be lovable if you do the things I'm telling you to do,’" she said a narcissist would tell her. "That's the twist."

Bertinelli also suggested the person had told her she prioritizes her son, Wolfgang Van Halen, too much, which Durvasula described as a great example of low empathy, when a romantic partner can’t understand that a relationship with your child is a different kind of love.

She added that when Bertinelli thought she was building intimacy with the person by opening up, "you were basically filling an armory with weapons that they were going to use against you."

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Bertinelli said now if she sees any sign of "love bombing," where people flatter the other person to manipulate them, she can’t tell if it’s genuine affection or not.

"Because there is a point where like getting love notes or being spoken beautifully to and telling — like there's a point of letting someone know how you feel about them, and then there's the love bombing and the like it get moving fast," she said.

The doctor replied: "Idealization is not a place for a relationship to start. And to all you romantics out there, suck it because I'm going to tell you right now, it is just not."

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Bertinelli also specified the "insidious" isolation she had experienced in a relationship.

"It starts — it's not ‘Don't see your family.’ It's when you are with your family, they'll be constantly texting and constantly and starting an argument through texts and calling. And I'm like, ‘I can't talk right now,’" which she said left her feeling like she couldn’t see her family because it upset her significant other.

After breaking up with her boyfriend of 10 months in late 2024, following her divorce from her second husband in 2022, Bertinelli explained at the Los Angeles Time Festival of Books last weekend that she was "really scared of dating right now."

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She continued, "I've had, you know, two — I'm just scared."

Bertinelli told Fox News Digital at the panel that she realized for the first time through writing her memoir, "Getting Naked," "I didn't give myself enough credit for the strength I already had inside me. And that I'm — that I don't have to listen to people be negative to me."

The star said that she was "surprised that I was able to learn that. Finally! That I don't have to listen to people be horrible to me. I don't have to tolerate intolerable behavior."

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She added to Fox News Digital that when she wrote her 2022 book "Enough Already" she thought she had learned that lesson, "but I still put up with intolerable behavior after that."

"It wasn't until I really dug down and got to the root of my shame and the dark side that I made friends with it," she said. "Then I thought, ‘Now I'm done. Now I can just say, f--- you. That's it, I'm done. I'm out,’ you know?"

After divorcing her first husband, Eddie Van Halen, in 2007, she married businessman Tom Vitale in 2010. At the end of their marriage, Bertinelli began to refer to Vitale as "the narcissist," saying that he emotionally abused her, calling her "fat and lazy."

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She also called being officially divorced from Vitale the "second-best day of my life."

Bertinelli began dating writer Mike Goodnough in 2024 and said she was in love, but by year’s end, the relationship had fizzled.

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A year ago, Goodnough claimed Bertinelli was "playing a one-woman tennis match thinking there is someone on the other side of the net" after their breakup, accusing her of falsely making his social media posts about herself and "lashes out angrily" at him.

He also accused her of "hostile, dishonest, and uncalled for backhanded swipes."

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"Valerie is in a war with her ghosts. I’m just the guy who catches the bullets. And that isn’t new," he added.

After their breakup, Bertinelli said in an Instagram post she had been "irreversibly changed by him for the better" and said that she had "fumbled the last true good man I met."

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Arsenal 'on a mission' - is another special season on the horizon?

The Gunners are one game away from a second successive Women's Champions League final, and are also still in the Women's Super League title race.

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Russell Brand’s ‘awkward’ Bible moment goes viral, sparks online mockery, support

Embattled comic actor Russell Brand faced a firestorm of online criticism, but also support, after a lengthy, "awkward" search for a Bible passage on "Piers Morgan Uncensored" went viral.

"Can I go back to asking a question about your Bible?" Morgan asked, referencing one that Brand had brought onto the set of the show.

"Yes, if you want to," Brand replied.

Morgan then asked if the Bible was the same one he brought into his sexual assault and rape hearing.

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When Brand confirmed the question, Morgan asked another:

"What was your thinking of taking it into court, and what you were seeing, looking at some passages, what were the relevant passages for you?"

"Thank you for asking me," Brand responded.

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He proceeded to thumb through the Bible's pages, searching for a verse from Isaiah, but to no immediate avail.

Silence lingered as his search continued for approximately a minute and a half. Morgan said nothing while Brand repeatedly explained that the verse he sought came from the Old Testament book.

As he ended his search, Brand settled on a different verse from Isaiah chapter 12.

"I can’t actually find the verse that I had that day, but this is good enough," he said, proceeding to read Isaiah 12:1-2.

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"I will praise you Lord, although you were angry with me, your anger has turned away and you have comforted me," he said.

"Surely God is my salvation. I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord, the Lord himself is my strength and my defense."

The incident caused a stir on X, with one user accusing Brand of using the Bible as a "PR shield."

"It’s a miracle of biblical proportions," the user wrote.

"For decades, Russell Brand played the high priest of hedonism and ego, but the moment the law comes knocking for rape and systemic abuse, he suddenly finds Jesus. This 'conversion' doesn’t smell of incense; it reeks of pure, unadulterated desperation..."

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"I haven't laughed so hard from someone's bulls---," said another, tacking on a trio of laughing emojis.

A third added in part, "The clip is pretty awkward to watch... it does raise fair questions about public faith declarations during personal crises. What do you think—genuine spiritual moment or convenient optics?"

A fourth X user called the incident a "painful watch," and another chimed in with, "Lmao embarrassing. Another example of how people use religion as a prop."

Others, including many Christians, rushed to Brand's defense amid the mockery, including some who said they also cannot easily locate book, chapter and verse upon request.

"I pray Russell doesn't take any of the criticism to heart. he's trying to figure things out while having all eyes on him. immense pressure for the guy who chose the path less wandered," one supporter wrote.

"This is disingenuous!" said another.

"I am reading the Bible for the first time. There are verses that touch and hold but as a new believer I do not know exactly [which] verse. I can still be a follower and believer but can’t recite chapter and verse."

Another comment, translated from Spanish, asked, "Do the media really have the right to judge someone's morality before a judge does?"

One commenter defended Brand by encouraging viewers to watch the entire episode, pointing out that he quoted another verse by memory. That was Isaiah 43:19: "See, I am doing a new thing."

"Writing in Bibles is TINY. Russell’s faith may be the only thing keeping him going. Think of his wife and small children. Think of all the people he helped get off drugs. Wait for the jury to decide his fate. Let’s not break God's commandments by bearing false witness. CONTEXT matters."

The incident comes as Brand faces a flurry of criticism over sexual assault allegations.

Brand recently admitted that he had what he called "exploitative" but consensual sex with a 16-year-old girl. 

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Watch: How one orangutan braved new bridge to unite his split community

The forest where the Sumatran orangutans live has been split by a road.

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Giants legend Lawrence Taylor, 67, hospitalized after medical emergency: report

Pro Football Hall of Famer Lawrence Taylor was hospitalized on Friday, TMZ reported.

The New York Giants legend suffered a medical emergency in New Jersey, warranting the visit, the outlet said.

Taylor's status is unclear, but TMZ said that it does not appear to be serious, citing "those close to" him.

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Taylor's former Giants did not immediately respond to an email.

L.T. is widely regarded as the greatest linebacker to ever play. He was a three-time NFL Defensive Player of the Year, including in his rookie season.

He won two Super Bowls, made 10 straight Pro Bowls and was named the MVP of the 1986 season. He also remains the franchise's all-time sacks leader, which includes his 9½ sacks from his rookie season before sacks became a stat.

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This came despite a lavish lifestyle off the field, which resulted in legal troubles after his playing days. Drug problems have also resulted in health problems later in life.

Taylor showed his support for President Donald Trump in 2024, appearing at a rally in Wildwood, New Jersey.

"I grew up a Democrat, and I've always been a Democrat until I met this man right here," Taylor said to cheers. "Nobody in my family ever will vote for a Democrat again."

Taylor made Giants headlines last year when he quickly turned down Abdul Carter's request to wear Taylor's No. 56 that has been retired by the organization since 1994, one season after he retired.

Follow Fox News Digital’s sports coverage on X, and subscribe to the Fox News Sports Huddle newsletter.

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Watch: Girl describes finding rare Mexican axolotl in Wales

Evie, 10, tells the BBC about finding the axolotl - named Dippy - and bringing it home to Leicester.

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Twerking in class and calling herself a 'million-dollar prostitute' are signs something's up with the sub

A substitute teacher in Lake County, Florida, had to be restrained and escorted out of a Lake Minneola High School classroom on Monday after "acting erratically" during class, the Lake County Sheriff’s Office reports.

The school resource officer received an alert around 10:20 a.m. and arrived in the classroom to find the substitute teacher, Angela Faith Jourdan, yelling "incoherently" and saying that they should "put her in prison for life," according to News 6.

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The sub was reportedly not following the lesson plan for the day at all. Instead, she was, according to investigators, slamming her hands on a desk and making inappropriate comments to the students.

But that's not all she was supposedly up to while tasked with molding the minds of the youth. Deputies say she was "twerking" in the classroom and referring to herself as a "million dollar prostitute."

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That's where some more of the inappropriate comments come into play. She allegedly told students she would have sex with them. Again, I can confidently say, none of this was in the lesson plan for Monday morning.

As if this wasn’t already enough of a disruption to the normal morning routine at the high school, the sub, who won't be up for any teacher of the year awards anytime soon, refused to leave the classroom on her own.

The LCSO's report states, "Assistant Principal Pannett entered and instructed Ms. Jourdan to gather her belongings and leave the classroom. Ms. Jourdan refused, stating that she did not want to be (Tasered)."

Jourdan was restrained and escorted to the office while investigators learned of a claim by one of the students that she had battered her. The student says she was yelled at, called a derogatory name and had the teacher's hands placed on her neck.

I can’t state this enough: that too, was not in the lesson plan for the day.

Jourdan was arrested and fired by Lake County Schools. She faces misdemeanor charges of disorderly conduct, simple battery and two counts of disruption of a school function.

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Serial thief who stole Kristi Noem's handbag sentenced to three years in prison

The former US Secretary of Homeland Security had her handbag - with $3,000 (£2,260) in cash inside - stolen at a restaurant last year.

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Woman opens fire on Maryland gas station clerk during attempted robbery

The Howard County Police Department in Maryland released surveillance footage of a suspect opening fire inside a gas station during what investigators believe to have been an attempted robbery.

In the footage, which does not include any sound, the woman can be seen holding the gun and speaking before eventually shooting.

The incident occurred on Friday. The police shared the video on Monday, offering up to $2,500 for information that leads to the suspect.

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A reward of up to $1,000 had previously been offered.

"At approximately 7:43 p.m. April 17 police were called to the Shell gas station in the 7200 block of Cradlerock Way in Columbia for a report of a shooting," police said in a statement.

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"An adult male gas station employee was transported to the University of Maryland Shock Trauma Center with serious injuries," the department continued. "Through preliminary investigation detectives believe a single suspect fired shots during an attempted robbery before fleeing the scene. No one else was injured."

The update issued on Monday noted, "The victim is currently listed in serious condition at Shock Trauma."

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The police department did not provide any new information to Fox News Digital on Tuesday.

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Trump to participate in marathon Bible reading

Amid a quarrel with the Pope and criticism for a social media image, Trump will share a passage during a week-long event of reading the Bible.

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CBS host presses former AG Eric Holder on defending partisan redistricting efforts in Virginia

CBS anchor Margaret Brennan pressed Eric Holder on Sunday over whether Democratic-backed redistricting efforts in Virginia amount to partisan "stacking the deck," as the former Barack Obama official defended the proposal as a response to Republican-led map drawing nationwide during an appearance on "Face the Nation."

"So by holding this referendum and changing the maps, how do you guarantee that this is temporary and that this doesn’t keep happening?" Brennan asked, after questioning how drawing maps along partisan lines is not simply "stacking the deck."

Holder, who chairs the National Democratic Redistricting Committee, framed the push as part of a broader effort to counter Republican gains in states such as Texas, North Carolina, and Missouri.

"This is really a national fight. It’s not a fight only about Virginia," Holder said. "What Virginia is doing, what California did is only in response to that which Republicans started in Texas."

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Brennan pointed to Virginia’s existing bipartisan redistricting commission, suggesting it already provided a fairer system and questioning why Democrats were seeking to alter it.

"In Virginia, there already was a bipartisan commission that was set up to do these things… that sounds fair," Brennan said.

Holder responded that the current proposal is limited in scope and tied directly to voter approval.

"The measure itself says that it is time-limited," Holder said. "It is only for this cycle, an additional cycle, and after the census that could be changed again."

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Brennan further pressed whether the move signaled Democrats lacked confidence in winning under current conditions, noting historical midterm trends and political headwinds facing the president’s party.

"Why do Democrats need to do this? It sounds like it’s acknowledging that the Democratic Party can’t win on its own," Brennan said.

Holder rejected that characterization, framing the effort as a necessary countermeasure.

"The Democrats can certainly win if it’s a fair fight," Holder said. "It wasn’t going to be a fair fight nationally if you try to steal seats in Texas, in North Carolina, and in Missouri."

Brennan also cited Holder’s past statements opposing partisan gerrymandering, including warnings that it leads to governments that do not reflect voter preferences and contributes to political gridlock.

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"If we don’t respond to that which they are trying to do, we could lose our democracy," Holder said. "And not have the ability to get back to that fairness fight."

Brennan also raised criticism from redistricting advocates, including concerns that proposed maps in Virginia could dilute Black political influence.

"What’s in this for us?" Brennan said, referencing criticism from the National Black Nonpartisan Redistricting Organization.

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"That’s simply untrue," Holder responded. "Do you think that another two years of unchecked Trump power is in the best interest of African-Americans in this nation? No."

"I hope we’ll pass federal legislation that will ban partisan gerrymandering just outright and do away with this altogether," Holder said.

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US singer D4vd charged with murder stemming from death of missing teenage girl

Prosecutors say he could face life in prison due to special circumstances surrounding the girl's disappearance and death.

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Mamdani sidesteps question on whether he supports AOC challenging Schumer

New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani sidestepped questions Sunday about whether Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez should challenge Sen. Chuck Schumer, declining to take a position amid growing debate over Democratic leadership.

"I have to be honest with you," he told NBC's Kristen Welker. "This is another question that gets into the future," Mamdani said when asked if Schumer should step aside as Senate Democratic leader.

The exchange unfolded as divisions within the Democratic Party have intensified over generational change, with progressives increasingly raising the prospect of Ocasio-Cortez mounting a primary challenge against Schumer, who has led Senate Democrats for years.

When pressed directly on whether he supported such a challenge, Mamdani avoided endorsing the idea while praising Ocasio-Cortez.

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"I will tell you this, that I have had the privilege of being represented by Congresswoman Ocasio-Cortez," he said. "Now it’s an honor to work with her as an incredible congresswoman, and I’m excited to see whatever it is that she decides to do next."

Welker noted Schumer did not endorse Mamdani in his own mayoral race and asked whether that influenced his view, but the mayor emphasized cooperation.

"I’ll tell you that right now my focus is on working with everyone, and that includes Senator Schumer," Mamdani said.

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"You know, recently I worked with Senator Schumer to deliver on a hub of relief for delivery workers right here across from City Hall."

Mamdani expanded on his broader view of the party, suggesting the issue was not simply about age.

"I think it’s time for a party that reflects the urgency that we’re seeing across this country," he said. "We know very well what we oppose. What are we for?"

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He also declined to weigh in on former Vice President Kamala Harris and her potential political future, despite repeated questioning.

"I have to be honest, I haven’t thought about the candidacies for president this time," Mamdani said.

"I think that New Yorkers are tired of politicians pontificating about other politicians. What they want to see are results."

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Harris has hinted at another presidential run, placing her at the center of early discussions about the Democratic field. Party leaders have emphasized the importance of focusing on the 2026 midterms as Democrats look to regain momentum.

Mamdani signaled he planned to stay focused on governing rather than engaging in national political debates.

"And here in 2026 I want to be delivering for New Yorkers," he said.

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Record-breaking Bayern win Bundesliga - now for the Treble

Free-scoring Bayern Munich swept to the German title for the 35th time. Now their sights turn towards completing the Treble.

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Bill Maher calls Eric Swalwell a 'f---ing creep,' says he 'never liked' the disgraced Democrat

Comedian Bill Maher blasted former Rep. Eric Swalwell, D-Calif., as a "f---ing creep" in a "Real Time" takedown on Friday, pointing to previous encounters with the disgraced Democrat that raised red flags.

"I’ve got to say, we had him on a couple of times. Ask my staff, I never liked him..." Maher said.

"I’ve always thought this guy was a f---ing creep. I never liked him and, yet, so many Democrats stood by him, and now that we’re finding out that it was such an open secret."

Maher highlighted a slew of other "open secrets" involving figures in the past who faced similar allegations, including former film producer Harvey Weinstein, former comedian Bill Cosby, former U.S. Sen. Larry Craig, R-Idaho, and former President Bill Clinton.

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"I hear this so many times ... it was an open secret..." he said, adding later, "What is going on here, where it takes so long for the open secret to [come out]?"

He proceeded to call out Republicans for appearing to claim moral superiority on the issue despite misconduct accusations having been made against lawmakers on both sides of the aisle.

In the process, Maher cited E. Jean Carroll, who made accusations against President Donald Trump.

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Maher's comments come as Swalwell battles a number of sexual misconduct and harassment allegations from five different women who recently came forward to recount their experiences.

Following the allegations, Swalwell suspended his campaign for California governor and resigned from his position in Congress.

While he has denied the allegations of misconduct, he has admitted to making mistakes in the past.

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"I am deeply sorry to my family, staff, and constituents for mistakes in judgment I've made in my past," Swalwell said in a statement announcing his resignation.

"I will fight the serious, false allegations made against me. However, I must take responsibility and ownership for the mistakes I did make."

The Department of Justice (DOJ) is investigating the multiple allegations against Swalwell, a source familiar with the matter confirmed to Fox News Digital.

District attorneys for both Los Angeles and New York have also launched their own respective investigations.

Legal representation for Swalwell did not immediately respond to Fox News Digital's request for comment. 

Fox News' Brittany Miller and Adam Pack contributed to this report.

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